Did God let you down?

Posted in Uncategorized on July 1, 2009 by Chris_Esther

Yeah, big time.

I find God does this intentionally to help me see my real motivation. Even some of things I may do ‘for the Lord’ can have a shadow mission of ‘making me look good’ or ‘making me feel better about myself’. And that boundary can be so subtle I may not even realise that I am doing it. It’s like God asks, ‘If I remove such and such benefit from what you do, will you still do it with the same heart?’

Am I getting upset for the Lord, or be angry because I don’t get the respond I wanted? Maybe that’s why God at times frustrates my plan, so I can GET IT, that it’s NOT about me but about GOD. He concerns more about the humility than the immediate success of my plan.

Bottom line, he shows me that He is the God, and I’m not.

Moments

Posted in Uncategorized on June 29, 2009 by Chris_Esther

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away.”


Daniel 2 Inner Core team – Thank you for your servant heart,

God knows your work behind the scenes, and hears all your prayers.

Beautiful moments, beautiful friends..

just want to let you know how special you are.

It was one of the most beautiful day of my life.

Celebrating our lives together.

I know for sure you will serve the Lord with all your heart

and love his people with all your strength.

That journey might not be always easy,

but remember, that you will never be alone.

Woman. vision. me.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 11, 2009 by Chris_Esther

My and my sheeps are starting a series of ‘womanhood: serving as a female leader’. We will be talking about how to work effectively with male species on the awareness of differences in thinking and way of communication.

Thinking of it, it was a long journey for me to like myself as a woman. It started from my parents’ desire to have a son, and their expression of great disappointment when I was a daughter, again. Succesfully they produced a heir 11 years later, and commanded me to sacrifce for him with my life. I mean ‘life’ quite literally.

For past 6.5 years I’ve been obeying their ‘command’. While my friends were out shopping, shopping always meant ‘grocery shopping’ to me. To balance between a wild teenage boy, ministry and work was a lot to take for a girl just out of uni.  Few years, I got up at 5.30am to pack 2 lunch boxes, and take him to school on my way to work, drop by the woolworth on the way back and pick him up from the school, then go for the shepherding or other meeting still in my uniform and come bk around midnight. Often I fall sleep standing next to the stove while stirring the rice at 12.30am. I lived a life of single mom in my 20s. This day my parents say it’s only possible for me to give my bro a pocket money because I am still not married.

I don’t blame them for their personal preference. And I am glad for them to have a son who is their glory and pride. I am not a girl who were seeking acceptance and hate myself to the point of burning all my pictures anymore. I am glad that God used me to raise my bro up in his very important period of life. Now praise God, he is a uni student and can stand alone. It seems another chapter of my life is coming to the closure.

Dad’s email to us says,  ‘Son, conquer the world. Daughter, have a happy family.’  * Sigh*  Yes,when I was a little girl my dream was to become a beautiful wife who cooks the dinner and waiting for a husband to come back home. Don’t get me wrong. Not in anyway I look down on such wonderful home moms. I recognize it is by far the most mysterious power of woman God has hidden in them – to enable men to be all they can be. (or, let them WANT to be)

But, hang on. I still have this something in my heart boiling that I just haven’t let it out. What was the initial calling of God in my life? Daniels are successfully doing well, my brother could stand strong and independant, I had numerous sheeps and all my 4 sheeps are the leaders in the house of of God, I seemed achieved much. But… There got to be something even more. How would I forgive myself if I just settle down and somehow get married and slowly but surely serving less actively, and live a life of BBQ and fish and chips?

NO!!!! I am going to live a life without a regret. As a woman. Why would conquering the world be only man’s job? Why would we even mention about a gender when talking about vision and calling? God doesn’t say ‘without vision man perish’ ,  he said ‘without vision, PEOPLE perish’. No matter who they  are, if they don’t know what they are living for, they will die a slow death, disconnected, lost, empty, and meaningless.  I’d rather live like a shooting star, burning brightly and totally consumed. So, here I am again, in front of the drawing board called life. I will search for the ways to get to the core of the heartbeats inside of me.

I don’t know how long or what will take me to get there. But I am ready to pay the price. Such will be my life.

Give and take?

Posted in Uncategorized on June 4, 2009 by Chris_Esther

It is easier to love God when things are going well. We thank God for getting the promition from the work place, receiving the good mark although we didn’t study, or picking up 5$ note on the street. Almost like a habit, we say ‘Wow, praise the Lord.’

But it becomes little different story if we are full of despair and disappointment. You wouldn’t ‘praise the Lord’ if you fell down and broke the neck. Here’s the thing. If I don’t love God for who he is, I don’t really LOVE God after all. But if I love God for who he is,  it is possible to still ‘praise the Lord’ even when life gets harder.

Ps wenan preached about how Paul and Silas were praising God in the prison after severely beaten. How amazing is this story!! Our problem may not be gone miraculously, but God is still God. If he CHOOSE NOT to send his angels to protect me from breaking my leg, he is still God. He owes me nothing, but I owe him everything. What makes me think he is obliged to give me whatever I ask him with my magic word ‘in Jesus name I pray, amen‘. Will I sulk and pout like a child because he didn’t give me a pocket money?

Some old ladies I visit to nurse, have grown up childs who never come to visit their old mum, because their life is busy; family to feed and business to run. But I’m sure they will put everything on hold when they are asked to come and get their inheritance money. We should not be too busy with our lives to spend time with our heavenly Father. Yes, he will still give us blessings. But if we love him for who he is, our heart will make it possible to sacrifice other things so that we can BE with him.

I challenge my own heart to just simply LOVE God. Give all to God who gave all to me. Just how much does God deserves from me?

“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

Matt 22:21


Do you hear me?

Posted in Uncategorized on June 1, 2009 by Chris_Esther

When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh, my lord, what shall we do?” the servant asked. “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

And Elisha prayed, “O LORD, open his eyes so he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

2 King 6:15-17

This is one of the most fasinating scene from the Bible to me. I know in my head that he does not leave me alone in the dark, however many times the frustration comes when I feel he is too far or most of time, invisible and untouchable. (U see, one of my love languages is touch.)

Even then, God shows that he is never too far away as he answers to our prayer. Just few days ago at the coorporate prayer meeting, Daniel 2 has been praying for some of the friends to come back to life group. We haven’t seen our brother P for almost 2 months, and another sister W for nearly 3 months. And guess what. To our surprise, P came to life group on the following friday and W turned up at church on following sunday! On the same sunday brother S also accepted Christ, which we have been praying for few weeks!

We were overjoyed and give all the glory to God. When group of people pray together in one heart and spirit there is always a power in work. This maybe just a simple story, but it somehow ringing especially loudly in my heart.

Because I’m sure he’s listened my other 1001 prayer requests too. It’s just that he chooses when and how. He calls the shot. he’s the Boss. He’s the God.

Yeah, He really is.

“Copy that.”

Some really old pictures

Posted in Uncategorized on May 6, 2009 by Chris_Esther

Looking through the picture file i found some pics from 7~8 years ago. What a journey! So many faces and memories, some are not around any more, and now only very few of them would share the memory with me.

My very first life group members. 9 of them are in morning service, 1 of them in afternoon service (which is me!) 2 are gone for mission, 8 are married, I’ve attended 5 of their weddings.

My first ministry was Ushering and WAM dancer..until something drastic happened. After that I had a major career change(?) to the WAM singer and Intercessory team until current moment.

My Timothy class graduation. We called it GEN-D (generation daniel) back then. Sisi and martin in front, I didn’t know them yet. We received a gold chocolate coin as a graduation gift. I wonder what they are getting nowadays?

The entire church used to have lunch altogether in UQ canteen and washed the dishes together! Yes, that is Raymond behind me. I think he was still a teenager.

Think of it, everything is really by God’s grace. I was a girl who was lost and broken inside. Nobody would have imagined how far I would come, including myself. And I am still going. God’s transforming power was real and powerful, it changed the entire course of my life ever since.

Glory to God as he is still continuing the same work in many lives through Daniels. I came to realise when my leaders saw the hope in me it was because God has done the transforming work in their own lives first. So whoever we have amongst us, we got to see them with the way God would see them. Not easy, but when we look at God’s fingerprint all over our lives we can have hope, that the one who started the good work is faithful to complete it.


Even if outwardly we are wearing out, inwardly we are being renewed each and every day.

2 Cor 14:6

For father’s glory

Posted in Uncategorized on April 29, 2009 by Chris_Esther

It is easy to praise God when things are going well with us. We may even automatically say “praise God”. But if we look back and remember, when we overcame those hard times, that’s when we experienced the breakthrough.

We can pray ‘God take this cup away from me’, and even thinking ‘what did I do wrong, that this has to come to me?’ Some even misunderstands that everything bad that happens to us is all Devil’s scheme. But do you know that even Jesus had to go through the hardships FOR GOD’S GLORY?

“Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘ father, save me from this hour’? NO! it was for this very reason that I came to this hour. Father, glorify YOUR NAME! “  John 12:27

Praise the Lord for the hardsips you experience, because now you can truly practice what you’ve learnt – to trust God in hard times, to rejoice in good times and bad times, to experience the breakthrough to next level of faith. You will bear the testimony for the next generation. You will be able to share the sufferings of others in the future and be able to say “I’ve been there once myself. I know it’s not easy. Hey, you will get through this.” I mean, how can someone who experienced no pain whatsoever even identify with other’s suffering?

mountain tops may inspire us, but it is at Valley that we grow. Would you endure for Father’s glory, as Jesus did. Would you pray “Father, let your will be done, not my will.” rather than “Father, save me from this hour!”


“..We are not shaken
We are not moved
We wait upon You Lord
Mighty deliverer
Triumph and truth
We wait upon You Lord..”

(’You’ll come’ by Brook fraser)