Being betrayed by someone I trusted, again and again. It torn apart my heart of hearts. Thinking of my Lord who has been betrayed again and again by the people despite of numerous second chances. Did I blame the Israelites who asked for the forgiveness again and again, which that repentance didn’t last very long. Tonight my Lord is drawing me closer to his broken heartness with the steaming of tears. O How hurtful your heart must’ve been!
Forgive me Lord I am that Israelite..
Mom has been with us for past 2 months. What a dramatic 2 months it was! Me and the entire family has gone through the time of turmoir, we will never forget this period of time in our lives. Basically so many important things has gone seriously challenging, everything at the same time.
After the sleepless night, which we knew no one could sleep that night, early in the morning mom summoned all of us with such serious face. She declared that we ought to have a family worship every night at 9pm sharp for 31days, using the book of Proverb (that is, 31chapters), and each one will take the lead. Me and mom started no-ending fasting until the situation changes. My brother shaved his most-precious-head as the act of promise unto God. Back home, dad started 40days of morning prayer every 4am before he goes to work. We declared the time of repentance and reconciliation with God, if we had a sackclothes we must’ve wore them too.
Mom was very determined. She knew from her life experiences with the Lord, that he permitted all things to happen, and he is the only one who can turn around the situation. We needed a miracle. God was the only hope we could grab hold of. So we came, in much desperation, we cried together and prayed together, for 31days we seek for God’s wisdom and favor, every night at 9pm.
Few weeks before her departure back to Korea, one by one miracles began to happen. It’s difficult to share all of it here in limited space, but I can say one thing with all confidence, God moved. He really moved on behalf of his people who trusted his mercy and power. Where there was no hope, hope and Joy; and the process of it was just incredible. And finally we completed the book of Proverb on the day before her departure.
Who said women is weak but mom is strong? I deeply admire her faith and determination to seek God’s face in front of the crisis, I don’t need any inheritance from her, but only this legacy. She is such a blessing to our family. By the time when she was about to go back, all the problems that attacked our family to the max, has all gone away, the impossible became possible, and turned out to be even better than before.
This morning at 7am she must’ve arrived at the airport back home, and it’s my dad’s birthday today. Poor dad who never spent such a long time by himself, will receive the best gift ever, his precious wife! And she is heroine to all of us.
She’s shorter than me, I love her!
Lovely mom at the Singapore Airport
Mom and dad at my sister’s wedding
They are so in love after 30 years of marriage!
One thing I love about this church is that it will never allow me to stay where I am for too long. The moment I feel pretty comfortable with my environment and status, something or somebody (with God at the back) approaches me with something challeging, whatever it may be. Come to think of it, everything that I can do now, at the first moment was such a nerve breaking experiences.
The first P & W leading in life group, while others were enjoying the dinner I took panadols and hid myself in the toilet; The first testimony in the church, all I remember was digging my nose in the paper I was reading from; The first discussion leading preperation took me 4 hours and the first preaching took me nearly up to 40 hours only for the research; The first time teaching at the CDS, first time leading prayer meeting, first time chairing the church event, first time leading P & W in cooperate meeting..
I have to confess that if I have all choices I will choose not to stand in the stage or speak in front of many people, ever. I do not enjoy being under the limelight or centre of attention. People who knows me for quite a while will know that I am a perfect piece of melancholic who likes to live a quiet life of mine. I am happy listening to the music and watching paint dry.
However, time and time again, growing in Christ required me to grow outside of my comfort zone. Whenever I face fears and my own limits, I kept telling to myself the magic words ”Chris, It’s not about you. It’s about Jesus.” There’s no time thinking about what I like and dislike, choosing and being picky because this ministry is not my style, out of my personality, or simply because ”I don’t think I can”. As long as we are in this awesome movement of HOPE, we will always have a chance to try new things and opportunities to enlarge our capacity. What if we become a pastor? I am sure they have even greater challenges of their own kind.
But I am really grateful to God for where he placed me, where, God always cheers me and encourages me to continuously come out of my comfort zone. Even when I mess things up and cry, he picks me up and loves me nevertheless; I never feel condemned for the mistake I have made when I have tried my best. There is genuine understanding and encouragement for others who also experiences similar kind of struggles for kingdom sake.
Jesus said, deny yourself and pick up your cross daily. I meditate on this word of his, what is ‘denying yourself’ means? ‘God, you know I am not like this and that kind of person, you have many others, why me?’ , ‘That’s just not me.’, ‘You know who I am?’, ‘What about me?’.. It’s so easy to focus on oneself and rather judging everything according to OUR preference and taste. when people thinks of such things they will not be able to go very far. Even Jesus denied himself and lived such a life of servant when he actually was a King of Kings. That’s why I loved the Character of Esther, that I made her name my middle name. So that I may always remember to live a life of If- I-die-I-die-Spirit.
Being Jesus’ disciple and lovin’ it.
My laptop internet wasn’t working from September. It was really inconvenient for me but I delayed it forever, hoping one day someone can drop by and fix the computer for me. 3 Months later, that hope has faded away slowly but surely. So I decided to get the professional help. It cost me 170$.
Yes it works now..and I am happy and sad at the same time.. 
Ever since I came back from the thailand mission trip at the end of last year, I loved thailand very much. Everything we’ve seen and heard and experienced has left me the permanent impression about this land and it has been always in my heart. During the multi-cultural night in life group, we have danced the thailand traditional dance in costume, and I felt so comfortable in this thai costume. The red sarong has been given by the pastor in Petchaboon when we were leaving the town, which is very precious momento to me.
That night after the miltu-cultural night event, I drove back home in that costume, beign really carefulk not to step on my sarong, fully expecting to surprise my mom and brother., (because I went out in jean and T-shirt ) and I was going to even dance for them what I’ve learnt from jimmie. BUT as I swung opened the door with ‘Ta-da~~!’… there only the silence and darkness welcomes me in. Everyone was sound asleep! :(
What the! Does anybody even care about me coming back home safely?
ps. Don’t place your cursor on the picture.
 | Φlip on D-1 |
 | Joy on D-1 |
 | Jimmie Thongkul on D-1 |
 | chris_esther on D-1 |
 | Ming on D-1 |
| chris_esther on D-1 |
 | Chris_Esther on From the master bedroom to the… |
