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One of my strengths is, I am sensitive. One of my weaknesses is, I am ’sensitive’.  Depends on the situation either it works for me or drives me nut. Many times I don’t seem to be able to hide my feelings at all from my face. I surely am not a good actor. God has transformed my life, however my personality is still the same..

God, help me to learn the ’self-control’..It’s one of the fruit of holy spirit.. I am still so far off. I should write about my own God-has-not-finished-with-me-yet-stuff. But it should not be the excuse to justify my ungodly attitude or behavior. Holy spirit is like a radar, he presses the red mushroom button and it rings police flash light on my head and goes ‘EE-OO-EE-OO~!’ then I hit my forehead and thinking ‘Gosh, Chris. Did you just had to say that? /  (or do that)?’ But it’s usually too late.

Struggling with my flesgly desire continues this day, apostle Paul’s confession is not of stranger. May the Lord by his grace continues to use me despite of my weakness, and I will testify of his sovereignity upon my life and away from pride.

..take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ…

scribbling on..

 

Mystery..I still can’t figure out exactly why..

I’m just back from the P&W practice. For some reason, both songs that I have chosen were not the best songs for the musicians to play. Of course as someone who doesn’t play a musician instrument, i have no idea whatsoever, why. They are from hillsongs (yeah, ‘old’ hillsong-Kelvin Mok heard it when he was 14!!) Sometime ago when I chose the songs for w’gabba prayer meeting, Torchie told me to change the song as well..It was from Israel and new breed album. That song also had heavy brassy sound, and some jazz beat, which, usually the sound I like..(my fav songs at the moment are ‘Say so’ by Israel houghton (Deeper) and ‘Glorious’ by Martha munizzi (The best is yet to come-lakewood church), How am i going to learn in choosing the appropriate songs? (Althogh I felt really right about the theme of the songs, that’s not the only consideration in choosing songs)

But today’s practice was just awesome. With one guitar, a piano, and Lemuel on drum set (only snare, high hat and crash cymbal), Vanessa and Trevon (in other words, su-kian and bernard Tang.., I felt like we were having a mini life group. But it was an awesome time, i enjoyed it so much. Who sang that the music gets the best of me, I can’t help but love worshipping God with music and song. It never fail to lift up my spirit, especially with people with the same kinds of love for the Lord. It’s my favorite time of all, how, God created me to make me worship him, I am doing exactly what I am created for, it’s just an amazing moment of satisfaction in my soul and spirit.

I had the whole collection of Hosanna Integrity Tapes, spending hours to find the meaning of the lyrics from the dictionary was really fulfilling work, usually all the lyrics pages were filled with Korean translation of words. And I wrote down the lyrics in Korean pronounciation and memorised the entire song in that way. Those were the times when Korean CCM (contemporary christian music) was still at the level of karaoke BGM. And Hosanna Integrity music has totally captivated me with the choir, chord mix and amazing harmonies and varieties of styles. I was totally addicted to my collections, I would walk to school to save the $ and buy the ‘tapes’.

But I love those old scool hymns too. I am worried that when I get to lead the worship part of P&W in the church service, I will be so tempted to sing those old school hymns from big black hymn book. I don’t believe God only enjoys most current songs, he would love any kind of songs that sung with sincere heart. Many hymns are written with great revelation and meaningful lyrics (usually 4~5 long verses)with progression of stories..) and a lot of them made me cry.

anyway, here are the songs I listen repeatedly for the entire day and don’t get tired of them. When will we be able to do these songs in the church?

Connect

LOL..

We went to ICE WORLD for the Connect meeting,

pls click the link to see more.

God has not finished with me yet

 

house warming party, he was 14.

lonepine zoo, he was 15.

age 16. “the horror, the horror~”

he is 17 now. My beloved prince disease brobro

Only by God’s mercy we have ’survived’ so far, ‘together’. God has given the most challenging task to me, knowing that I don’t do kids. That was pretty cruel of him, and we made endless ridiculous stories to remember forever. However I believe it will be the most rewarding investment as well. once mom said ‘you should be able to die for your brother’, but, mom, ‘you should be able to live for your brother’ would’ve make more sense.

he is becoming 18 next year, now i am going through the last stage of this project, turn a boy into a man. I’ve learnt a lot about myself these years, and it definately helped me to understand my parents a lot better. Not only my parents, but all parents.  I learnt that even parents are still all imperfect human, being little older than the rest of us, so given the tremendous pressure to be the ‘perfect parents’ to their kids. but no one is. I realised many times they cry in their room after they scolded their child, and they bite their tongue so that they wouldn’t blurt out possibly hurting words, and they willingly give up on so many rights they for sure deserve, and after all that, being blamed for few things that they could not satisfy their kids with. they get the most of work done behind the scene and get the least appreciation.

after ‘playing single mom’ for nearly 4 years, now i understand my parents so much better. Slowly all my anger and bitterness has melt away, instead, fresh compassion filled up that space. I appreciate that they did what they believed was right at that point of time, although in all human imperfection their best might have hurt me, i apreciate their intention. and after all, they’ve done a pretty good job.

mom, dad..thank you for all you’ve done. We will make you proud!

Happy 30th wedding annversary!

Can you find yourself?

                                   

“When I consider your heavens

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?”

psalm 8:3-4

Nothing against Facebook

Allow me to explain.

I am not the best person to talk with about technology. When all my friends were sending sms through mobile phone, I was still using a beeper. It looked something like this,

 Beep Beep~

In some point MSN was ‘hot’, for very long time I had no idea what that was, I still don’t know what MSN stands for. When I asked why i should I get that thingy, people said it helps us to connect with people and update each other without paying for the phone bill. That’s fine, so I got somebody to help me set up the MSN thingy. However I am always set as ‘appear offline’, only when I need to ask some urgent question then I pop up to throw a question. I noticed MSN has caused some unnecessary BGR issues as well as lack of sleep in some people with not-the-most-important- information exchanges.

Then in one stage, having their own blog was a hot thing, many people created their blog and sooner or later deserted it. (I’m not refering to you here) When I had no interest in blogging, someone told me it helps us to share our thoughts and testimonies, so I deided to give it a try. Now I am unsure how long I should continue the blogging, it seems many has already lost interest, they have moved on to what is called ‘facebook’

This generation is very fast, at times I don’t know whether I should continue try to catch them up or not. Once something is being popular something else will very quickly replace that something whatever that is. I would be surprised if anyone is still talking about the ‘facebook’ at the end of this yr.  Even the newest mobile phone or lap top or car or whatever, will not be the ‘latest’ much longer. Yes I heard even ps wenan has a facebook ID. But I think it maybe more like trying to have a glimpse of what it is, and experience the culture so that he can understand and contexualise in his message, rather than enjoy ’superpoking’ and ‘throw sheep’ at others -whatever it means-

So, I still do blogging. Nothing against facebook. But until I see the definately important value of spending time on facebook, I would rather choose to feel left out when people talking about it. And, DUDE, pls take care of your blog!