Purpose driven

It’s been a week i’m back to Brisbane. Thinking about it, it was a suffocating but much needed break. I feel i’m ready to take it on and gear up again. Bring it on!!

During the trip, I’ve finished the book ‘the purpose driven church’ by ps Rick warren. The similarity he talks about in this book regarding the church health and our movement philosophy surprised me greatly.

..It takes more than dedication to lead a church to grow; it takes skill. ECC 10:10 If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.. The point is, work smarter, not harder. ( p.57, purpose driven life, Rick Warren)

How true! I’ve been in that place where by I worked my butt out and nothing good seems to be happening. I push myself even more, and took all the responsibilities upon shoulder. It was a deadly cycle of working harder-> loss of joy in serving ->feeling guilty -> working even harder. I can tell you it’s not a fun place to be, at all.

Over the years God has taught me of working together as a team, serving under the umbrella of authority, and taking the time off to sharpen the ax. Things were different ever since. Come to think of it, the experience of being broken by God (I would call it a ‘purpose driven failure’) is very necessary for the breakthrough. It teaches us what it is to rely on God. When every idea stops and every drop of energy has ran out, there we surrender on our knees. And finally God says, ‘ now, is it my time?’

Now I work with much less pressure than I used to before. But the result is much greater and the joy always overflowing. And one thing that I always know in my heart for sure. It isn’t me. It’s God and all God.

New year is stumbling upon us. With great expectation of God’s hands it comes. May we love God more and serve God better in 2009.

God bless.

Holiday 4 – Small to smaller

Hi all, 3 days before I go back home. Here ‘home’  refered to Brisbane.

Last week at the church a missionary who is serving at the China has reported the entire year’s work. She and the team has started a small town where takes care of orphans and single moms. Their lives were described as miserably poor but have hope in the Lord. In this very cold province of China , they have nothing to cover at night than worn out thin cover. A lot of people were wiping their eyes hearing her story. I guess we could imagine how cold would it be like, (it’s about -10 degrees here at the moment). Although the world economy has hit the bottom and all, there are people who thinks about those who have no means to survive.

She didn’t wear fur jacket or warm scarf, not a colored hair or gold jewelies. But I think she must’ve been the most reachiest in her heart, and precious in Lord’s eyes. Would he be thankful to her for the life she lives for others? She’s gone back to this local church community facility to continually serve during this cold winter, and we are left here in warm even hot church building. I prayed for her and all the people serving together in that place. And I decided I too will be wholeheartedly faithful to the tasks given to me by the Lord, start from the discipleship.

I at first may have judged this church because of their worship or preaching style. Honestly it was hard to be awake during the sermon – it’s too warm inside! – and worship team was like standing stones. I probably was thinking, hmm not enough supporting verses, hmm not enough passion in saying important sentences, it’s too rigid, what? reading from the paper while praying? etc..but I felt shameful about my judgements and pride. No one is better than no one in the eyes of the Lord, we are all chosen servants of the Almighty Lord. I am called to be a witness, not a judge.

It’s a clear mistake to think only our church is doing the right thing because of our love and respect. With its own strength and weakness all different sisters and brothers are working together to establish the kingdom of God firmly. I personally appreciate the Hope Movement from my heart and the more I know and understand about our vision and philosophy I am more in awe of the biblicalness(?) and the anointing in its statements. I am so thankful to the Lord that he has called me into this movement and be the part of the great team which is sold out for the cause of Christ. With more understanding and generosity, we will not be tempted by Satan to compare or judge each other but work through the differences towards the greater unity.

The more i grow the smaller I get in my own eyes.

Holiday 3 – into the thought

Once I asked someone, “if you go to a city where you know absolutely nobody, what would you be doing?” it is somewhat true that environment determines people’s behavior. if not ‘determine’, at least ‘reinforce’. i realise this once again when i observe my little niece Esther. from when we are a little baby and have no power to survive without our parents’ care, we learnt to be loved and be positively reinforced by their preference of of our behavior pattern. just like Esther my niece. If she eats too much bread her mom scolds and yells at her saying “you’re gonna get fat!!”, -Esther is 3 years old-15Kg – although Esther loves bread, whenever I buy a bread for her she looks around to observe her mom’s facial expression. This way, our parents, society, reinforcement, punishment and reward system has determined what is good and bad.

back to the initial question, many have probably thought about this – if you are like me – what would I be doing, if I go to some city in Europe or somewhere in South America where no one knows me? There is a feeling of freedom, no parents, no friends who tells me what to do, no  one who would judgement for what I’m doing or not doing. This must have been the time when we first arrived in Australia. For me at least. I should say I was failure to my own standard of integrity. Back then I only thought of the freedom I gained, away from all I had to please to be able to survive or protect. Years later, when I asked this question to myself once again my honest answer was to start a church. I laughed at my own answer. I was sincere. It was not to show anybody or to impress anyone. I then, knew that my conviction finally became who I am.

Many people unfortunately fall back while they are in overseas for a long holiday. I know it’s not the ideal situation however i kind of understand how this could happen. The world. The temptation. The people in the different side of the world rewards and applaude at different value. No longer they are not being influenced by other fires that burn themsleves brighter as well. No longer their authority figures and support system encourages them for what they have been doing elsewhere. especially when one falls into the environment with many non believers. This is painful to think. Because I know what it is like. To cut the long story short, one can never find the real satisfaction of self conviction unless it is totaly separated from recognization of the rest of the world – whether it is by unbelieving parents or believing friends- meaning, as long as one finds the satistaction from pleasing others and being recodnized by one’s leader and peers, one can never be a true person of conviction.

To my apology to my parents, I feel like being in a prison. It is little different this time, it is not because of my preference not to be in south korea. Like the story where the believers were locked in the prison and ordered to move the bricks from one side to the other, to make them lose vision, I feel to be moving bricks here. I do many things and go many places but none of them seems to be more than moving bricks from one side to the other. Haven’t I wanted to be sitting away from the ’scene’ for a while to meditate and to organize myself? But it has just proven how I enjoyed being in the chaos   eye of the storm and watching the outside through the wind. Where was I and where am I going to? What do I really want? This?

I don’t think God has designed me to live a simple, life that carries around two kids on each side and negociate the price for the tofu in the market place. I seem to know what I am for even more clealy. But it seems God still says it is not your time yet..like Jesus also said to himself, until he could not hide it anymore that he was the son of God. Because from his own mother (his, Mary the virgin mom) to Satan, the whole world began to proclaim who he really was.

..apology for the lines not considering the reader. this has written really more for myself this time. Little more next time..

Holiday 2 – too far away

One third of my holiday has gone pass already. What have I done here? Not the things I used to do in brissy for sure..I wanna go home where I belong. 

While Josh is around, he is the prince of the family. The entire conversation goes around his experiences and the future at UQ. I can tell the parents are very proud of their son. They allowed him to go and visit his girlfriend at China, because they promised this on condition of his school result. Unfortunately(?) his school result was good enough and now he claimed back the promise. This, to me, is over-my-dead-body-thing. But Josh was their son, not mine. I had absolutely  no power whatsoever to the decisions they have made.

If Josh is not around like today (he found a part time job) the entire conversation goes around their warm concern(?) over my marriage. I learnt that it is a crime for 29 old korean women to be single. Despite of my explanation they just can not stop talking about it. I realised now I should not come back here again unless I am married.

Few days ago I met Luke Kim. He was no longer like the blur korean guy in brisbane. He was like the fish in his own pond. He knew where to go and what to say (in fact, he is a great talker, and very polite). he took some picture of us hopely i can update here soon. He testified about the grace of God in the process of his job application. To cut the long story short, it was a miracle. He was always faithfully serving the Lord, and I could see how God has protected Luke.

Tomorrow is sunday. I will be visiting Luke and my parents’ church which is presbiterian. I feel like a sunday christian here, no life group, no crazy emails, no unceasing phone calls, no sheeps! (OH NO!) I miss all these and can’t wait to go back. Sigh.

Tomorrow my sister and her baby will be coming to see us. Little Esther is already 3 years and now can talk! To see how fast babies grow so always amazes me. And how a mom can talk about her baby forever and a day amazes me. But she sounds happy.

life goes on in Seoul..

ps. I apologize this post sounds somewhat negative when I read it again. But hey, I’m not a saint, I felt slightly down today for few things.  Hopely next post will be more bright.

Holiday 1- HK

If I was ever so glad someone shouted at me “Get off!!” that’s when Ray found me and josh on 2nd floor of HK bus on the way to nowhere. When we pulled down all our luggages from the bus and just as we see the bus disappears, josh said “Oh no, my bag!”. he left it upstairs of the bus as we get down. so we took the taxi to the final station of the bus and waited for the bus to arrived. Luckily the bag was where he left it there, and nothing inside was lost. Praise God.

Next day was sunday, and with Ray’s pre-arrangement with someone from hope HK, we managed to find the church. We met Bong (yes the PA men) and he helped us out. Entire service was by Cantonese, me and Josh was left with absolutely no idea what’s going on. I thought to myself how precious thing that we have chinese interpretation ministry in the church! Hope HK has received the prophecy of ‘7 years of abundance’ now they are proclaiming 40 days of fasting to be ready for this blessing. 

How amazing thing it is to see the same vision statement on the wall, and meeting people working together with one mission and one purpose. they instantly becomes a friend and a spiritual family. in hope hongkong every week before the service, they proclaim the church vision in one voice. everyone, i mean everyone speaks the vision and remembers the vision after few weeks. i think this is great.

where we sat in the church was for the hearing impaired, and there were someone who interpretate the whole thing with sign language (his hearing is fine) there were about 10 ppl sitting down, this is what amazed me. Bong told us that after Peter T came and people saw the healing miracles, a lot more people has been adeed on to this group. and they find true friendship and acceptance in this place, not the rejection and disadvantages that they may experience in the society.

Our hotel was right in the middle of the shopping street, and we were out there at midnight. the people, the light and the music, it’s like 3 O’cock in the queenstreet mall. people were so alive, they eat and shop and walk around, at midnight! I wondered what time they get up in the morning. My. I used to live like this, 7 years ago.. things has been changed, surely.

Now i’m in South Korea. the first night, all our family sit around the table and gave worship service unto the Lord. Dad shared from Joshua 1:1-8 As he prays and encourages the whole family, we gave thanks to the Lord for his hand of proptection and the mercy upon our family. I realised why I have been so blessed, why God always protected me and Josh. Mom and dad prayed for us every single day in the morning first thing. I am very touched, and convinced once again I will continue this inheritance of faith from my parents in serving the Almighty God and love him only.

Now I am about to go out to meet Luke. It is amazing, if we passsed by here on the street we would have been a total stranger to each other. although he knew my dad and they practically worked together, he had nothing to do with me before he came to the brisbane. but after that 8 months of encounter, he is very excited to see me again and hear about what happens in Daniels. God is awesome and he make all things beautiful.

Luke was a great brother who has been a great blessing to us. By God’s grace he found a job that is very high pay and all, He is going to buy me a lunch. And I am going to seriously rip him off. HAHA!