Do it again, and do it better

Anyone who knows me better than a surface level would know that I am a women of plan. I plan for the day, week, months, year, and 5 year from any given time. My brother is a men of sponteneousness. He gets up, think of what to do, and do it.

This is what happened. “Sister, can you drop me at XYZ?” “Sorry I have a lot of things to do this morning. Can you go by bus?” “But I don’t know how to go.“ “Why didn’t you find it out yesterday ?” “I couldn’t think of it. And I’m late.” “Call them and say you’ll be late.” “Pleeeaaaasssse?” “Hey, I have to finish this and that, and you seem to just ask me on the spot, I’m still in my pajamas and cooking my breakfast, I am not ready to just jump out like that.” “BAD SISTER, you just don’t want to drive!” “I don’t mind driving.  But I do mind that you think I should always drive you whenever you ask, just because I have a car. And become a ‘bad sister’ when I don’t say yes.” “But, you NEVER say yes!” “YEAH? do I NEVER say yes?”

“Well.. sometimes.” “See ya.”

That was it. Right there and then he blew his chance to get a lift from me. Gone.

The truth was, although I declined the request, I did wanted to give him a lift. He’s my brother! But the way he approached it had little hope in getting him what he wanted. He could’ve asked yesterday night, “Sister, tmr I need to go to XYZ, it will take me an hour to get there and the place is far away from the bus stop. But if you can give me a lift, it will take half an hour. I know you may be busy tomorow, and it’s your only day for a rest. But is there any chance you can drop me? “ I would’ve said “No problem. (Just cook me a breakfast) “

I could have given him a lift but I ldidn’t. Because I wanted to give him a chance to do it again, and do it better next time. Otherwise he will not learn. I don’t want him to take my favor for granted and blame me for not doing what he demanded.

As he went off the close the door, something clicked. This is like what God is doing sometimes. He could just let me have my way, but allow it to pass by, so that I will learn to do it better. So that I will not take his answer for granted, and grumbling at him for not answering my prayer just like that *snap* Temptations come, especially in our area of weakness. And when we think we’ve just messed up, another opportunity is given to us to overcome this time around. And it comes until our weakness becomes our strength. So we become stronger each time. How true is it that even every trial and temptations has its own purpose!

Do not beat yourself up inside because you couldn’t do it the way you wanted. Don’t worry that you might have disappointed God and let him down, but be sure that regardless of all that he still loves you the same. If my brother questions whether I still love him, I would wonder how does it even relate!

So dust yourself off and just do it again,

and do it better this time.

Key

If you have a bag like mine which has everything and anything in it, especially with many pockets, finding a key in there can be a hassel.

But finding my black car key can be easy because it has a fist sized woolly sheep key holder. Once my hand touched that sheep thingy, I know I got the black car key in my hand.

If Jesus is the Key, I want to be his Keyholder.

So people may find him easier.

Ermm… Nah.

TAA40104

This week I’ve been attending the course. This is to gain the qualification which enables one to teach adult learners. I had to bear quite a huge cost. And 5 days of my annual leaves. Also this might take up to 2 months or so to complete the assignments/projects as well as professional presentations. I’ve decided to do this because it will open more doors and give me more options and qualifications for MISSION in the future.

The building is the 38th floor right in front of the river, and the glass wall that makes you feel that you are walking on the cloud. You should see the people wearing all suits and high heels, nose high and looking the most confident. The teacher of this course is such a well presented professional. ‘Unless they offer such and such amount of $$, I am not getting out of my bed’, ‘I deserve to get paid for every single second. And my time is my money’, ‘Make sure you negociate so that you get as much as you can get out from them’.. and people nod their head.

In my head, I remembered so many VOLUNTEERS serving in the church without getting a single cents of payment. They would think this christians are the crazy bunch of people, if they know the amount of time and effort we pouring in. Although the retirement reward can be ‘out of this world’, I don’t think anyone is serving God for that reason. How many of us worry about the superannuation now and pouring  money into it?

Christians surely do live as aliens in this society. When the world says ‘Get your money’, they give away their money to others! (Didn’t I just received a ‘love offering’ from an angel without wings?) When the society says ‘ show the world how good you are‘, the christians ‘consider others better than themselves‘. Surely God knew that the world will say believers are foolish for what they are doing..

During this time I’ve been thinking ever so seriously, What do I REALLY want to do? It’s easy to talk the talk. But to live it out takes huge courage. Looking straight into the sacrifice to make, it tests my heart with all seriousness. I wanna work in a nice comfy job and have a nice little happy family. But God has called me for something greater. What I know is, unless I obey to the call of God, this fire in my bones will consume me up and I will never really satisfy or settle in my spirit. I hear the beat of the heart, all the time, from the centre of my being.

The dice are thrown.

Moving forward.

Did God let you down?

Yeah, big time.

I find God does this intentionally to help me see my real motivation. Even some of things I may do ‘for the Lord’ can have a shadow mission of ‘making me look good’ or ‘making me feel better about myself’. And that boundary can be so subtle I may not even realise that I am doing it. It’s like God asks, ‘If I remove such and such benefit from what you do, will you still do it with the same heart?’

Am I getting upset for the Lord, or be angry because I don’t get the respond I wanted? Maybe that’s why God at times frustrates my plan, so I can GET IT, that it’s NOT about me but about GOD. He concerns more about the humility than the immediate success of my plan.

Bottom line, he shows me that He is the God, and I’m not.