His way, not my way

Dad used to say “If you face the problem, don’t sit down mourning about it. Get up and find a solution, best solution possible.” Growing up under a single mother who raised up 7 sons by herself, he had to be mature and independent at a very young age. When he was still a child, he had to sell water melon, ice cream, news paper and chewing gums to survive each day. He is someone who knows what it is like to survive in a cold society that nobody is there to help.

I perhaps got my head-strongness and independence from him. I learned quickly that when I get into a trouble, sitting down and weeping wishing to get an attention from others, or soaking in the pity party doesn’t help the situation at all. If I cannot take care of my own life and put it in a proper order, how can I be responsible for my family life in the future? Now it comes naturally to me to analyze, plan, implement and evaluate everything in life.

I recall, for this reason, God had to show me how helpless I am without him, through many situations in life. Again and again I would habitually plan, revise and push it through, replying upon my wisdom and strength other than God’s. Few times He drove me to the corner where although I’m doing everything right and it just doesn’t produce the result I expected. Until the moment I faint in frustration and crying out, he would push me to the edge and just little more. And just the moment I  let it go and fall off the cliff, then, he catches me with his hands

Looking back, I am grateful that he allowed me through those tough times. It must’ve been hard for him to see me in a bad shape and not helping, but he had to, for my own sake. Now I know because of those times I grew to know Him the way I do now, and still learning. My God turned the sorrow into joy, weeping into dancing, and His name is glorified in my praise and thanksgiving.

Truth is, miracle happens because of an impossible situation. 

the end of the road

Once I have settled down in Australia My brother who is 11 years younger than me came to join me. To send their kids to overseas to study was a big dream of many Korean parents. Since it wasn’t my brother’s own decision to go, although he ‘agreed’ to go, there were times he insisted to give up and go back to Korea in the middle of the school year. To pacify his frequent homesickness, I sent him back home twice a year which resulted in me hardly being able to save up.

There was a moment that I was called up by his school principle and being called as an inadequate guardian due to his rebellion in class. His first serious girlfriend was a non-christian to start with. There was a time that I was overwhelmed by having to live a life of a single mom and cried out for a freedom. But there were definitely countless joyful moments, like driving to nearby islands and sleeping over, parties and fellowships, him playing a bass in the band, and him completing the architecture degree in one of the best universities in the world.

Josh 2004

most recent

Turning 21, he decided to go back to South Korea to serve in the national army, because his choice was to remain as a Korean. He has just arrived in Seoul yesterday, without any guarantee to go back to Australia any time soon. I feel perplexed, knowing that I will be in Australia alone, again. Knowing it still my decision was to call Australia home. I guess there is no perfect place as long as we live on the imperfect earth..

This Christmas our family will be gathering in one place for a first time in 11 years. We will take a upgraded family picture and we will all look so different. Now sister is married with a 6-year-old girl. One thing that did not changed is the Lord who held us together in his safe hands. Once again, we will gather in our living room, and talk about our journeys in different parts of the world and the Lord’s faithfulness on us, for a long, long time.

Discipleship

Keep your fluid up

You can safely distrust a nurse a who does not believe in drinking water. Water flushes away the toxin and impurities concentrated in body system, it lubricates organs, balances the pressure, temperature and sugar level, protects and maximizes the function of joint, bone, muscle, skin and just about everything in the body.

Water is like a budget. If you don’t have enough of it to use, you will have to cut down other areas except absolute necessity such as food and lodging. No more costly hobby, eating out, or an entertainment. In the same way, if body doesn’t get enough water to use, it compromises the function from every other body parts except heart and brain.

As time goes, this tendency is fixed and you body survives with less and less water while its function compromised. On the contrary, if you maintain the healthy habit of drinking 1.5~2 L of water per day, you feel the thirst easily because now your body is thriving towards its maximal function. Many symptoms and diseases can be avoided and significantly reduced by simply drinking enough of water throughout the day.

Such is with our intake of the ‘living water’. If you don’t drink it enough, you struggle through day by day, compromised and malfunctioned even without realizing it, barely surviving. But if you build the healthy habit of keeping the fluid up, your body will want more and more of it for the optimal potential of what it can be. Someone who is used to hearing the voice of God and leading of the Spirit everyday feels anxious and agitated when it gets quiet. The spiritual thirst gets the best of him and he desires and confesses for more of Jesus every moment.

Do you drink a sip of water only after the meal? Do you call Jesus only before the meal? Perhaps we are barely surviving each day even without seeing what or how it could’ve been if we called upon Jesus every single moment of time. Perhaps we are missing out on the encounter at the Jacob’s well, even without realizing what we’ve just missed. Don’t you think it’s sad?

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.” (Jn 7:37)