Ask Seek Knock

An email I received yesterday has brought a storm to me.

Few weeks ago I have applied for the renewal of the nursing license and the government nursing department is asking for the official letter from the Phil nursing body to be sent to the government directly that I had a permission to practice nursing overseas. There is no such letter to start with, and technically by that time my nursing license has expired back in Aus, and I lost the license when my wallet was stolen. Now the government health department is saying that they will not issue the license without the document which is impossible for me to provide.

Easily I reached to the corner where I should think about ‘the worst’, which is the end of my 10 years of nursing career. Nursing is the only thing that I know how to. Nursing means to me the level of lifestyle, professional development, social status, personal identity, and paying of the bills. If I am to start something new now I possibly do not have resources to re-educate myself in the new area. Momentary panic hit me hard and I felt numb for a while.

That night I went for a night prayer service with heavy heart. The pastor shared about ‘Ask, Seek and Knock’ passage in the Bible. The point of the words is more than simply ‘pray and you will receive what you want.’ It is that God knows our needs, and will give the ‘good things’ to the children even when they ask for the bad/wrong things (Read Mattew 7:7-11 slowly, for a new insight!) The point of prayer is not to twist God’s arm for what we want, but to restore and maintain the intimacy with the Father who will give us according to His good, perfect and pleasing will.

I realized that God is so desperate to restore the intimacy with me, he would do anything to reconcile with me, because if I dismiss him due to the busy life (or sufficient life in that sense) I am going to lose my soul and purpose of living at all. There and then, the strange inner peace found me back,. If I die I die, Queen Esther said, because she recognized the sovereignty of God over the situation. Esther lee must do the same. If I’m in the place that I cannot do anything to change the situation, still I know that His hand is over me.

On Monday, one phone call will reveal the result of my inquiry. Lord, let your will be done. I know that they  have the only authority allowed by you, and for that, I am ready.

Nursing or No Nursing, I will follow you.